Marriages often become disillusioned because we start to believe things that simply aren’t true. When that happens, we start to run FROM our spouse instead of TO them. We start to blame them instead of taking ownership for believing myths about marriage that aren’t true.
We build on the wrong assumptions and foundation then wonder why it didn’t produce what we dreamed it would be.
Jesus said in Matthew 7:
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the ROCK. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the ROCK. (Matthew 7:24-25)
The goal is to build our relationships on the ROCK instead of sand. Storms are coming in your relationship! It isn’t a matter of IF but WHEN.
Below are four myths about marriage that can cause us to build our relationships on sand. One of the first things we must do is IDENTIFY the lie so we can REPLACE it with the truth.
Myth #1: Marriage is a 50/50 proposition.
Many people view marriage like a contract. I signed a contract on the lease for our house. There is nothing positive about a contract. It is nothing more than a list of what will happen if I don’t hold up to my end of the bargain. Marriages are often set up this way. We make a list in our minds of what we will or won’t do based upon the actions of our spouse.
We view marriage more like a contract instead of a covenant. A covenant is when I said “I DO” I meant it! A covenant goes ALL IN regardless of the response of the other person. A covenant loves you on your worst day. Anyone can love someone who loves them. It takes someone empowered by God’s Spirit to love someone when they least deserve it and need it the most.
That is what Jesus did for us. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) Not while we had it all together. Not while we were worthy of it. He came and did what we couldn’t do so we could experience a relationship we can’t live without! It was an ALL IN love.
Real marriage is loving your spouse when they don’t deserve it and when they least expect it. The best way to do this is to remember this is exactly how God loves you. The very least we could do is extend to others what God has already extended to us.
Myth #2: Everything good in our relationship will automatically get better.
The honeymoon isn’t over when you celebrated for a few days after your wedding. The honeymoon is over when you wake up one day and realize you married a real imperfect person. We marry an image of a person only later to discover we actually married a REAL person. When you are dating, you are putting your best foot forward. When you are married, the real person comes out.
They say when you are dating opposites ATTRACT but when you get married opposites ATTACK. The very things that drew you to someone can be the very things that drive you crazy once you are married!
Marriage is best spelled W-O-R-K. Marriage is incredible but it takes work! You do not have an awesome marriage in a day but by what you do DAILY. It doesn’t automatically get better. Without constant attention, marriages drift. With purpose and intention, marriage can be incredible!
WORK at it. It is WORTH it. Future generations in your family tree can be impacted by the DAILY decisions you make to work at your relationship.
Myth #3: My Spouse will complete me.
There is so much pressure in our society to find Mr. or Mrs. “Right.” We begin to idolize and obsess over the need to find someone to complete us. News flash – two imperfect people coming together does NOT make a perfect union! If you are single, the good news is you don’t need someone to complete you.
A spouse is not meant to complete you but to complement you! Only God can complete you. “…God lives in us and His love is made COMPLETE in us.” (1 John 4:12)
What we idolize we will eventually demonize. No one but GOD can meet and exceed every expectation you could ever need in a relationship.
Stop running to a person to fill a need only God can fill. Your spouse can’t complete you, but they can complement you and help bring out the best in you.
Myth #4: My Spouse is to blame for the majority of our problems.
The blame game is old as the garden of Eden (Genesis 3). The man blamed the woman. The woman blamed the serpent. The serpent blamed God.
Marriage doesn’t create problems. It REVEALS them. “What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war WITHIN you?” (James 4:1)
We believe the lies that our spouse is the problem so we need a new spouse. A new spouse or relationship won’t work. You must first look in the mirror and deal with what is WITHIN you.
You can go through all the relationships you want and blame others for them not working out. There is only one common denominator in all of your relationships – YOU!
Hope can enter the equation when we stop blaming our spouse and cry to God saying, “Lord, change me!”
Sand or The ROCK?
I pray you can bust through these myths and discover relationships the way God intended.
Identify the lies. Replace with the truth. Build on the ROCK.